Yeah, I’ve got issues.

I’ve posted about my friends and how amazing they are. I’ve also posted about how a friend should act.
I haven’t talked about how I am a crazy bitch. Seriously, I feel bad for my friends. I’ve got issues, I’m aware of that. I suppose everyone does. These issues have caused me to have extremely powerful, unwavering, intense emotions. I love as strongly as I hate.
And yes. I use the word hate. People tell me all the time “that’s a really strong word” and my response is “not strong enough”.
I’m possessive and obsessive. Most of that stems from being a teenager with self absorbed friends. You know, the ones that you spent every waking moment with for weeks/months, and then you were suddenly replaced by a new best friend? Yeah, that happened to me a little bit more often than normal. So now, I see my wonderful friends have other friends. And i try really hard to be happy they have a good friend that doesn’t live a minimum of 500 miles away. But mostly I obsess over their friendship, worry that I’ll be replaced, and be internally possessive over the friendship itself.
Believe it or not, I’m actually WAY better about all of this now. My poor husband dealt with an entire bag of crazy. Like, giant duffle bag sized. I’m down to a gallon sized ziploc bag of crazy now.

I see posts on Facebook and immediately get defensive. And that’s ridiculous. It doesn’t MATTER that I hate that bitch with every breath in me. It also doesn’t matter that if she dropped off the face of the planet I would throw a party. What matters is my best friend loves me. And she won’t replace me, even if it feels like it.

Ultimately, i made the decision to marry into the military life, and move away. I don’t get to have hurt feelings because my friends have fun without me. I know that. And I’m working on it.

Friendship part 2

I read a fantastic article the other day about the ten people you should not bring with you into the new year. It talked about how the users aren’t worth your time, and how you don’t need the negativity that certain people can bring into your life. But some things aren’t discussed because it should be an “understood” aspect of friendship.

Something that is a big deal to me in all of my relationships is how trustworthy a person is. I’m not talking about trusting them with your life, or your deepest darkest secrets (be honest. two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.) I’m talking about the people that are incredibly excited to see a friend, proclaim their friendship and how they cannot BELIEVE is has been so long since they’ve seen that friend, and when the friend leaves they say an underhanded comment. Nothing too terrible, just something like, “I love her, but she is so lazy.” Sound familiar?

Let me assure you of something. If that friend is comfortable saying something about a mutual friend, you can guarantee that they are saying something similar about you.

I had someone in my life like this. Lets call her B. She was a mutual friend of mine, and we began to develop a friendship. I had a lot of fun with her, but I noticed that she always had something to say about someone. Things like “A is one of my best friends, but she irritates me with how she is all up on everyone at the club.” Yet, when A is around, she doesn’t say a word about how she disagrees with her actions, she’s too busy exclaiming how much she misses her.

I don’t have time for that in my life. If B is making underhanded comments about A and other people in her life, then I KNOW she is making comments about me. So therefore, I distanced myself. There was no rift at the time (although there is now), and if we were in a group setting I was perfectly cordial. But I did not rush to her, tell her I missed her face, and ask her when we could hang out. There is a huge difference between being polite to avoid drama and being two-faced. Some people should really learn that.

Another thing that people tend to overlook is information that is “freely given”. You know what I’m talking about. Your friend K comes up to you and is all “omg I have to tell you what I just heard! C was talking all kinds of shit about you, but don’t worry, I stuck up for you and told her to shut up.” Good for you, K, if you actually stuck up for your friend, But I have two questions. One being, why did you run to your friend first thing to tell her the nasty things that were said? That served no purpose other than to hurt her. And the second thing is the biggest question. Why was C comfortable telling YOU all of this.

It says a lot about a person if they’re the one that always had information to share about what was said about you. It says not to trust them, because they are, in some way, proving themselves unreliable as your friend.

People are not stupid enough to speak badly about my family and best friends to me, or near enough so that I can overhear it. They know that depending on the level of infraction, I will either give them a verbal lashing or break their jaw. Loyalty to your family and friends should be unwavering. There should never be any doubt as to who you will stick up for. I guarantee, all of my best friend’s “enemies” know who I am.

And my biggest issue is this. Your opinion of me is none of my business. I don’t need to hear about what was said about me. I don’t need to hear what was said. I don’t need to know how hated I am, or how weird people think I am. I’m okay with who I am as a person, and I know that I am a kick ass friend. I’m an awesome wife, and I take fantastic care of my furry kids. I’m a great daughter, and I’m totally the favorite out of my siblings. I’m good. I don’t care what people think of me, and I really don’t want to hear it.

And one more thing. A friend said this about me one day, and it is still completely true. If you don’t know where you stand with me as a part of my life, you obviously weren’t paying attention. I always tell the truth. If you don’t want to hear it, you can just move along because I’ll never give a pretty lie to spare you the ugly truth. And if I lose friends over that, I’m okay with it.

Shaming

“No one wants to snuggle a skeleton”
“Real men want curves, only dogs go for bones”
“are you anorexic? ”
“Have you eaten today? ”
“You’re so skinny!!!”

In what universe is it okay to say these things?! Apparently this one. Because I have seen my Facebook blown up with these statements, and have even witnessed a stranger ask a friend of mine if she had eaten that day. Seriously.
Why do people automatically assume that if you are thin then you are happy with your body? The person you made that comment to could be struggling with an eating disorder, and you just justified it. Or maybe they’re super uncomfortable with how thin they are, and hate how they look in a swim suit, because their ribs show.
Moral of the story is you don’t know what these people are dealing with.
Whether you mean these things as compliments or not, everyone has a different story. And skinny girl shaming is as repulsive as fat girl shaming. If I were to walk up to an overweight girl and proclaim “you’re so fat!” I would be a pariah.
Stop putting down other people to feel good about yourself. Better yet: stop assigning your self worth to how you look. Is being too fat or too skinny really the defining factor of your life? Does your weight overpower your generosity, compassion, trustworthiness, honesty, intelligence, humor, and loyalty?

YOUR SIZE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. DON’T DEFINE OTHER PEOPLE BY THEIRS.