Its freaking Mothers Day. Again. A day dedicated to spoiling the mothers in your life. Giving them a tiny break from the daily grind of keeping your kids alive and *mostly* happy. Its a day to thank your moms for giving you everything they possibly could. Moms should be thanked and appreciated every single day. But today is the day, nationwide, that you are expected to make a big deal.
Where do I fit into this? I am a mom. I was pregnant. I carried her for 38 weeks. I birthed her. And she died. I haven’t worn holey underwear so that I could buy a pack of diapers, or walked around with baby puke down my back. I don’t have those humorous badges of honor.
But I have spent countless sleepless nights, just like other moms. They were awake because of their fussy or sick or just awake baby. I was awake, grieving over my empty arms and broken heart. Either way, we were both losing sleep. We were both exhausted beyond belief, and kept going anyways, because what choice did we have?
Moms walk around with an overwhelming pride. They MADE this child. Its incredible. A miracle. I have the same pride. My daughter was a miracle. But I also have grief. Because I cannot hold her the way most moms hold their little ones.
Mothers day is the chance for moms all over the country to have an afternoon off. Someone else will change the diapers, do the dishes, clean, and keep the kids alive. Mothers day for me brings out my grief even more strongly than a normal day. Because while most moms are begging for a break, I’m begging for my child to come back.
Spoil the moms in your life. They deserve the break. And most of them probably feel some mom guilt over wanting the break to begin with. And for the loss moms that you know (miscarriage, infant loss and even women that struggle with infertility and have not yet achieved a pregnancy yet), give them some love. NOT a vague “Happy Mother’s Day!” message, because that is thoughtless and hurtful. But a message that says “thinking about you today. I hope you have a good mothers day.” Let us know that we are not forgotten. Because we will never forget our lost little ones.