I’ve posted about my friends and how amazing they are. I’ve also posted about how a friend should act.
I haven’t talked about how I am a crazy bitch. Seriously, I feel bad for my friends. I’ve got issues, I’m aware of that. I suppose everyone does. These issues have caused me to have extremely powerful, unwavering, intense emotions. I love as strongly as I hate.
And yes. I use the word hate. People tell me all the time “that’s a really strong word” and my response is “not strong enough”.
I’m possessive and obsessive. Most of that stems from being a teenager with self absorbed friends. You know, the ones that you spent every waking moment with for weeks/months, and then you were suddenly replaced by a new best friend? Yeah, that happened to me a little bit more often than normal. So now, I see my wonderful friends have other friends. And i try really hard to be happy they have a good friend that doesn’t live a minimum of 500 miles away. But mostly I obsess over their friendship, worry that I’ll be replaced, and be internally possessive over the friendship itself.
Believe it or not, I’m actually WAY better about all of this now. My poor husband dealt with an entire bag of crazy. Like, giant duffle bag sized. I’m down to a gallon sized ziploc bag of crazy now.
I see posts on Facebook and immediately get defensive. And that’s ridiculous. It doesn’t MATTER that I hate that bitch with every breath in me. It also doesn’t matter that if she dropped off the face of the planet I would throw a party. What matters is my best friend loves me. And she won’t replace me, even if it feels like it.
Ultimately, i made the decision to marry into the military life, and move away. I don’t get to have hurt feelings because my friends have fun without me. I know that. And I’m working on it.